HOUSE OF WAX

Cast: Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Micheal Murray, Paris Hilton...
Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
Writer: Chad Hayes and Carey Hayes



Review Date: 05/10/05
Written By: suj
Rating: 6/10

THE PLOT:
On their way to a sporting event, a group of friends get lost in the backwoods and decide to camp-out for the night. When car troubles prevent their departure the next morning, they make their way over to a small, forgotten neighboring town, and its centerpiece: a house of wax figures. What they don’t realize right away is that these figures were once real human beings, and a madman is stalking the town looking for new victims.

THE REVIEW:
When they remade "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" I was really skeptical, but when I saw the supporting performances of that white tang top and tight blue jeans coupled with the beautiful Jessica Biel and the added effect of water, it was a thing of cinematic magic one can only dream of. So, when they decided to remake "House of Wax" with a slightly different combination of a white tang top and tight blue jeans this time being coupled with the more beautiful Elisha Cuthbert with the added effect of melted wax, there was only one question that jumped around in my head: Can cinematic magic strike twice? Yes, yes it can.

By no means am I saying that the remake of " The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” was good nor am I saying the remake of "House of Wax" is any good, I’m just saying that both films exuded the right amount of thrills and convoluted characters to keep me entertained. It’s also safe to say that this Elisha Cuthbert affair is a good antidote to the supernatural genre crud that’s been clogging up the theaters recently.

I really love those mindless horror flicks that don't really do much for substance but rather their in it for the sole purpose to keep its audience entertained and this film did it in spades. "House of Wax” skips along inside its traditional horror trappings with eagerness and a rare lack of cynicism or pale ghost children. It’s a fun piece of horror entertainment that isn’t bogged down in frantic style or pace. In fact, the film takes its sweet time getting up and moving, with a full opening 40 minutes passing by without anything scary or suspenseful occurring. Its great to see a "horror" film take its time to set up its characters and situations rather than bring out the blood and gore for the sake of bring out the blood and gore. Because of its leisureness the film maintains its raveling mystery within the abandoned town location. Also the killings are wildly graphic and inventive with foot slashings, finger cutting, and an assortment of wax and glue related mayhem.

The director, Jaume Collet-Serra, is wise to keep Hilton away for most of the movie because Paris Hilton can't act worth shit. I really can't see this chick’s appeal because she's fucking ugly, so ugly to the extent that every time her face flashed upon the screen I often heard a faint sigh in my pants. Luckily, Elisha Cuthbert was the films star and with this reviews opening lick I’m happy to say that when she popped up on screen the sigh in my pants erupted into profound joyous screams. It’s also worth noting that Elisha Cuthbert is damn fine actress in this genre as she gives off a strong dose of enthusiasm with her Jamie Lee Curtisesque performance.

Eventually and unfortunately the film falls apart in its finale. The film takes on too much plot to end efficiently, and in place of a speedy, thrilling closure, we get a drawn-out capper that is a bit too poetic (in a high school creative writing class kind of way) and technically extravagant to be anything more than a complete drag. Nonetheless, Wax did everything in its power to satisfy the longing need of some bombastic gore and the perky breast of Cuthbert and with that I am pleased.